


Grounded

by EzraTheBlue



Series: Over The Moon [3]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Japan, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Babies are not adorable and ruin everything, Domestic Disaster, Kid Fic, M/M, Single Parent AU, domestic dysfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 03:15:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13673118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzraTheBlue/pseuds/EzraTheBlue
Summary: Seventeen-year-old Gojyo's flying by the seat of his pants when he has to take care of his infant daughter by himself for a day. Luckily, he knows just what it is that will keep his feet on the ground, especially when he's not the only one who might need to be reminded.





	Grounded

  **Grounded**

Whoever was waking him up after just three hours of sleep were dead meat. Gojyo didn't care who it was, but whatever was making that noise had to die.

“I,” he growled aloud into the low ceiling of the tiny efficiency, voice already drowning out the horrible noise that had roused him, “Got home. At four. That fucking clock says _seven_ , Hina, what the f--” He rolled over to find Hinata so he could lay her out, until he squinted through the sand in the corner of his eyes and found the sound coming from Hanabi's crib.

It happened to be her screaming. His three-month-old, her bright red hair askew and her face even more red than her wild locks, was screaming blue murder. Gojyo disowned every thought he'd had about taking his anger out on whatever -  _whoever_ \- had woken him up and scrambled out from under the quilt to get to her. He might have been seventeen and still a kid himself, but he knew that no matter how hard or late he'd worked the night before, that girl was his responsibility, no lunch break, no vacation. The second he got within an arm's length of the crib, he knew the problem: “Oh, fuck, starshine, that _smell._ ” Hanabi was purple in the face, screaming as her diaper leaked out through her little jammies. Gojyo gingerly picked her up, still oh-so-conscious of her delicate little head and neck and still disgusted by the blowout, and moved her to the changing pad. “Hina, for fuck's sake, why didn't you change her?”

Hinata didn't answer, as Gojyo groused his way through getting Hanabi undressed. She was hardly three months old – Gojyo had counted every second, thought about her every second, since the first moment the tiny bundle of pink baby and bright red hair had been laid in his arms – and though Gojyo knew he still had a lot to learn, he knew Hanabi shouldn't have been alone. Not long enough for her diaper to leak this much. No amount of diaper wipes was going to fix this. “Hinata, she needs a bath, gimme a hand, will ya?” He tried not to yawn as he got Hanabi clear of her ruined clothes. Hinata still didn't answer, and Gojyo twisted around over both shoulders when the only noise in the room was Hanabi's whimpering.

No two ways around it, Hinata was just fucking gone.

Hell, it wasn't like there was anywhere in here she could hide. Hinata had refused to move in with Gojyo and his brother, but Gojyo had desperately wanted to be with Hanabi, so they found a room for rent that Gojyo could afford on his dishwasher's salary. Gojyo did everything he could to be with Hanabi whenever he wasn't working, but Hinata wasn't working because Hanabi was tiny and needed her every few hours, so Gojyo worked doubles, overtime, and switched in shifts whenever he could to earn a few extra yen. Everything went to Hanabi. Diapers, wipes, powder, medicine, clothes, she needed so much. Gojyo wished he could give her more than this shitty apartment and secondhand onesies, but he couldn't. When he wasn't sleeping, he did what he could, and he had to trust in Hinata to do what he couldn't.

Hinata handled the money. Hinata was in charge of Hanabi all day. Gojyo wished he could do at least a little of either one. He was only seventeen, but he could probably handle money, and though he did what he could for Hanabi when he was home, when he was up to his elbows in dishwater for twelve hours a day and needed to sleep at least a little between shifts, sometimes all he could manage was a few minutes holding her, changing a diaper or helping dry her off after Hinata bathed her. Hinata wasn't perfect, because even he could see Hinata was a little clumsy with her. Sometimes she'd turn around while Hanabi was in the water and Gojyo would have to nip in to make sure her soft, weak little neck didn't drop her head into the water. Sometimes Gojyo spotted little thumb bruises on Hanabi's arms and legs from when Hinata changed her too roughly. Sometimes he thought Hinata didn't pay attention to Hanabi even when she was nursing her, but fuck, Hinata wasn't much older than he was. She could probably handle Hanabi, but like he was at money and work, she wasn't perfect.

Still, this was something Hinata hadn't done before, and Gojyo had to do something about it. He hauled Hanabi to the bathroom, only missing a step when he noticed his phone blinking. He laid Hanabi down in the tub, rinsed his hands and grabbed his phone, skimming the message:

“ _I'm going out shopping with my friends. Watch Hanabi today.”_

“What the fuck, Hinata?!” He threw his phone at the wall, and Hanabi wailed. Gojyo ran to grab his phone, then scrambled back to Hanabi – poor, piteous little thing, she was so tiny, she had to be cold and feel disgusting – and began to fill the tub over her, pouring the foul water off by tipping her little tub with one hand, and dialing his phone with the other. Hinata's number rang four times, then went to the answering service.

“ _Hi, you've reached Hinata. Leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you if I feel like it!”_

“Fuck you, too!” Gojyo instantly dialed another number, and mercifully, this one picked up, to a gruff, sour answer:

“ _Gojyo, do you know what time--”_

“It's seven o'fuck a.m., and Hinata abandoned Hanabi with me without warning me.” Gojyo winced to himself when Hanabi made an unhappy noise, then turned the water temperature down. “I woke up to a blowout and she's filthy and I've never bathed her on my own, Jien, I don't know what I'm doing!”

Jien was quiet on the other end, before sighing deep and heavy. _“Oh, man.”_ Gojyo and Jien's relationship had soured a lot when Gojyo had moved in with Hinata. Jien hated her, plain and simple, and he'd tried to convince Gojyo to make legal custody arrangements, but Gojyo had wanted Hanabi to have a mom and dad like he'd never had. Jien had been terse with him ever since, disapproval ringing clear in every rare phone call. He'd raised Gojyo, though, and Gojyo couldn't think of anyone else to call.

“Please, bro, I'm not askin' ya to come and help or like what I'm doing, just--”

“ _Lukewarm water.”_ Gojyo could hear the rustle of sheets, likely Jien getting out of his futon and going to take the call somewhere it wouldn't wake Kougaiji. _“Fill the tub halfway. If it's a bad blowout, dump the water a lot so she gets good and clean.”_

“I figured that part.” Gojyo dumped the water again, carefully securing Hanabi with his palm and using his elbow to balance her. He put the phone on speaker and set it down. “Thanks a ton, bro.”

“ _We're not done. You got a soft cloth?”_

Gojyo groped around and found one under the sink. “Yeah.”

“ _You got two?”_

“I'll find one.”

“ _You're gonna want two. The more, the merrier, because if it's bad, you're going to want more and more clean ones. Okay, listen close.”_ Jien still sounded annoyed, but there was patience in his cadence, and Gojyo knew his brother well enough to know that even if Jien was still mad at him, he loved him enough to help him out. “You're gonna wash her all over, piece by piece. Start with her genital area, since it's the dirty part, and listen close because your baby girl needs you to take real special care of her right now.”

Gojyo's heart ached for a second, because he knew it was true. “I'm all ears, bro.”

Jien talked Gojyo through washing and bathing her. Gojyo at least knew how to dress her, but it still took forever. She flailed like an octopus on Mountain Dew, and Gojyo didn't want his big, clumsy hands to leave any of those little bruises like Hinata did. “Slow and steady, nice 'n' gentle,” he muttered to himself as much as to her or Jien, as he precariously worked her tiny, squirming, wiggling foot into clean pajamas. Jien, still on the other end of the line, groaned.

“ _She trouble for ya, bro?”_

“She's squirmy. She's little, she don't know better.”

Jien scoffed. _“At least you got perspective.”_

Gojyo made an agreeing noise, then, hesitantly, “Plus, I can see Hinata's had trouble with her. She's got all these little bruises, and I don't wanna leave any.” Jien got too quiet, Hanabi's excited breathing too loud as Gojyo finally got her foot into the stocking. “Hey, Jien--”

“ _Gojyo, I'm beggin' ya, you can live with her and all but please, please get something on paper.”_ Gojyo winced, but got her other leg into the pajamas and started bunching the terry up her knees.

“I don't wanna jinx it. I don't want Hinata to think I'm gonna leave her, or Hanabi.” He gave Hanabi's foot the tiniest squeeze as he got it into the bottom, then buttoned her up and moved to her right arm. Jien huffed with obvious disgust, and Gojyo braced himself for the usual rant.

“ _That's not what it always means--”_

“Bro, I had you and that was good, but I grew up with nobody but you and your mom. I had one shitty parent and you.” He began to work the snaps on Hanabi's onesie shut. “And your mom hardly counts since I know you did all the work. And I know that wasn't right.” He cast his eyes around the tiny washroom, the bottles of baby powder and lotion strewn here and there, the big pack of diapers occupying the corner where Gojyo would have rather put a bin of spank rags, Hanabi's clothes hanging to dry on a line across the shower stall. Hanabi occupied every corner of the tiny apartment, from her clothes spilling out of the chest of drawers and changing table, the diaper bag hung by the jackets, the bottles and nipples spilling out of the dishrack and the mess that seemed to spill out in Hanabi's wake, the way she'd upturned his life the moment she'd dropped into his lap. It was a mess, but it was domestic. It was the right kind of mess, Gojyo thought. “I want her to have a mom and dad. I want her to have normal.”

Jien was very quiet. _“Yeah, I know. You've said. But you're missing something. How're you and Hinata actually getting along?”_

It was Gojyo's turn to be quiet, and he found himself gazing down into Hanabi's little face, her mirror-like, wide eyes. He saw none of Hinata in her. He heard more of Hanabi's cooing and babbling aimed at him than Hinata. Hinata's futon came nowhere near his, and if his hands drifted to her shoulders (just to rub them, she'd carried Hanabi around so long in her belly and in her arms), she'd huff at him and swat him off, telling him she was “too tired.” Hell, she was always tired, and Gojyo couldn't even remember the last time she'd said anything more to him than “bring home diapers” or some complaint about how little money was in his wallet.

“It's... I mean, it's not like we were super close before I knocked her up, but... I'm trying, y'know?” Gojyo scooped Hanabi into his lap and teased her a little, tapping her nose, her chin, between her eyes, making her giggle and coo and wiggle against his legs. She smiled, wet pink gums gleaming, and Gojyo unconsciously smiled back. “I can handle it for Hanabi. It's always hard when the baby's little, isn't it?”

“ _Yeah, except if you can't make it as a couple through that hard part, or if you fake it just 'cause you think seein' the two of you at the same table is good for her no matter what state the two of you are in, what is she actually gonna get out of it?”_ Jien's voice quavered a little, and Gojyo felt something wobble in his throat and chest.

“I just want what's best for her. I know you ain't seen her in a few weeks, but bro, she's so precious.” Gojyo tickled her pudgy little belly, heart warming as she kicked and squirmed. God, what he would do if he could just see that smile all day! “She's perfect, shitty diaper and all. She's the most perfect thing I've ever had.”

“ _I know, bro.”_ Jien laughed through his nose. _“You were a squirmer, too.”_

“Was I?” Gojyo laughed too, then put Hanabi up on his chest. “She's happy now she's dressed and warm, though.” Then, he found himself yawning, and heard Jien click his tongue.

“ _What time did you get off last night?”_

“One, and the bus broke down getting me home. I didn't get to sleep 'til four.”

Jien swore softly off the receiver, then said, _“Get a little sleep. Even if you're alone with her, she could probably use a little more sleep too. She'll wake you up when she needs you.”_

“Yeah, okay.” That was the best thing Gojyo had heard since he'd woken up, outside of Hanabi's giggling, and he stood, taking her with him on his chest, then paused. “Hey, is it safe to let her sleep next to me? I wanna be right there when she wakes up.”

“ _Eh, it's not safe, but folks do it anyway. Just make sure your futon's clear of anything she could get hurt on. Call me when you're up again, okay?”_

“You got it. Thanks, Jien.” Gojyo hung up and tucked his phone in his back pocket, not letting Hanabi be jostled with any move he made. “Precious baby,” he muttered unconsciously, bouncing her just a little in his arms as he walked back to the futon. He thought for a second about staying awake to pick up a little, but he already felt like he'd put himself through the wringer. “Later, baby,” he muttered as he sat down on his futon, then carefully eased Hanabi to lay down beside him. She wasn't much for pillow talk, since she could barely hold her own head up, but any time spent with her was good time. He thought about putting her in the baby sling and hauling her around the apartment to make her little nest more cozy. “Just me and you, sweet thing. We can have a nice day.” He laid down beside her, his nose near hers. “Just let Daddy get a little more sleep, alright?”

The sun was bright and lit her peaceful little face with a warm glow. Gojyo didn't even mind how bright the room was as he closed his eyes again...

… but it barely felt like a blink before he was waking up again to Hanabi wailing. He would have been pissed if his last memory weren't of her happy at his side. He sat up, gathering her with a swoop of his arms, and moved right for the changing table. If he knew the first thing about babies, it was that they either cried because they needed something in their mouth or something had come out of their bottom, and Gojyo knew what to do about the second one.

Her diaper was wet again, but she didn't stop crying even with a clean one. Gojyo checked the time to find it was nine, and he had no idea how long Hinata had been gone or how long it had been since she'd eaten. He turned for the kitchen and went for the fridge first, but there were no bottles there. The only milk was some rice milk Hinata used in porridge and even he knew that was no good for Hanabi. Then he dug into the pantry, working through the haphazardly stacked shelves looking for something, anything Hanabi could put in her belly. Gojyo knew Hinata nursed Hanabi, she breastfed because she'd been told it was the best thing for both of them, but there had to be something in case her tits were dry or not working or if she was sick, something! He got his phone with his other hand, bouncing Hanabi against his chest in a futile effort to distract her from her rumbling belly, and dialed Hinata's number.

It rang once and there was a perky but too-familiar message: _“Hi, you've reached Hinata. Leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you if I feel like it!”_ The bitch had put him right to voicemail.

“Hina,” he moaned, too tired to compose himself. “Hina, Hanabi's hungry and I can't find the formula. I know it's your day off or whatever but Hanabi needs to eat. Call me back, I need to know where the formula is!” He was about to hang up, when he heard another familiar noise: laughter. Hinata's laughter, and other girls too. The line went dead, and Gojyo realized that not only had he been had, Hinata was laughing because their daughter was hungry and he was useless.

Hinata wasn't going to be any help. He would step up because god damn it, he may not have had a dad but he knew that's what a fucking dad would do.

Gojyo dialed Jien's number as he got Hanabi bundled in coat and extra socks to beat the fall chill, putting him on speaker so he could focus on snapping every tiny snap as she flailed and screamed. As soon as the line picked up, Gojyo snatched the phone off the table and put it to his ear, balancing it there with his shoulder. “Hanabi's hungry, there ain't no formula in the house, which one's good?”

“ _Go – uh – Meiji! Meiji Hohoemi, I fed you Meiji and you turned out – you mean she didn't pump?!”_ Gojyo could feel Jien's temper spike from across town. Gojyo shook his head.

“I looked. No formula, no bottles made, nothing. They got that at the store, right?”

Jien's breath was catching like he'd been jogging, and Gojyo could tell he was trying hard not to go off. _“Yeah. Yeah. They'll have it at the FamilyMart, or the 7-Eleven, wherever, just bundle up the baby and go get her something to eat. I've got to handle something real quick, I'm gonna call you when I'm done, but go feed your baby girl.”_

“Just getting her buttoned in now.” True to his word, Gojyo got the last snap on her bootie done and grabbed the baby sling where it had been left strewn over the chest. “I'm out the door in ten.”

“ _Get the cubes, they're easier!”_ Jien hung up first, freeing Gojyo's hands to fasten Hanabi into the sling. She was still crying, but she was getting hoarse and really, just sounding utterly pitiful now.

“I'm sorry, baby,” he muttered, pulling a hat down tight over her ears and testing the straps and buckles on the sling one more time. “I'm sorry, I didn't know, I would'a been ready if I'd known, but we're gonna fix this, we're gonna fix this...”

He recited it like a mantra as he hustled out the door, rubbing Hanabi's back as he jogged down the sidewalk.

The fall wind stung Gojyo's face and arms. He hadn't had time to worry about throwing a jacket on. He was lucky he slept in his jeans, because he wouldn't have bothered with pants. He was just lucky there was a FamilyMart three blocks from his shitty apartment, because he ran the whole way there without giving a single solitary fuck about whether or not he might run out of air and collapse when he got to the door, because his baby girl needed him to do this for her.

He couldn't possibly have been the first person to scramble into a convenience store with disheveled hair and clothes and a crying baby strapped to his chest in the middle of the day , so Gojyo ignored that the clerk was staring slackjacked at him as if he were and slammed both hands on the counter before he bolted past. "Baby supplies, where?"

The clerk shook off his surprise, then pointed. "Diapers and formula are next to the sanitary pads in aisle four." Gojyo muttered thanks as he pivoted towards the aisles, but he heard the clerk add offhand to himself, "Man, what are the odds of two young fathers making a scene in here in one day?"

Gojyo didn't want to think about that, instead ignoring everyone else around him and swinging into the aisle like a penny racer hugging the turn, laser-point focused on finding what his baby girl needed. Sure enough, a smiling baby on a pink and yellow label greeted him with a smile, and Gojyo snatched up as many of the boxes as he could carry in one arm while still cradling Hanabi in her sling in the other.

"You're never gonna go hungry, not if Daddy's got anything to say about it, never, never," he mumbled as he gathered it all in a stack, but just as he grabbed at the packages of bottles, he realized his voice was not the only one in the aisle. There was another, softer than his, and singing off-key in English:

 _"Good morning, darling boy, you are my only joy..."_ Gojyo looked down and saw a slight man, just as poorly put-together as he was with a misbuttoned shirt, dark hair askew in bedhead, and baby spit streaked across the right lens of his glasses, huddled against the aisle wall cradling a tiny little newborn who was crying weakly into the man's shirt. The man was rocking him, wide-eyed and shivering a little, and trying to sing, _"But Pierre said..."_

The despair in his tones spoke to Gojyo, because he'd been there just ten minutes ago.

"Hey." Gojyo crouched down next to him. Fuck, he knew if he were in the same position, he'd want someone to help him. The man started, then slowly twisted his neck to face him.

"I... I'm... am I in your way?"

"Nope. What's wrong?" Gojyo nodded towards the baby the man was holding. "He's not looking so good."

The man turned between Gojyo and his own newborn, then glanced briefly at Hanabi. "I... I don't know anymore. Yours, your little one..."

"She's hungry. Mama left me in charge but forgot to leave meals, so, uh, gimme a second to put one of these bottles together." He pivoted around and marched back to the clerk, putting down all the formula. "I'm gonna pay for this in a second, but there's a guy who needs help and I'm making my girl a bottle off your tea water tap." He grabbed one of the boxes and ripped the instructions off, tore off one of the cubes, and took a bottle and nipple from the pack. The clerk was staring again, utterly dumbfounded, but Gojyo couldn't care less as he marched off to the tea machine to fill the bottle.

Gojyo shook the bottle in one hand to cool it off as he sat down next to the man with the crying baby again. The man hadn't moved, had barely seemed to breathe, but still cradled his tiny baby close, hands quaking. Gojyo forced calm, because even if this guy needed help, that sure as shit didn't mean he knew what to do. “So, what's going on?”

“His breathing is shallow, and he won't stop crying,” the man said in a toneless hush. “He won't eat, he spits it up. I tried to call his pediatrician but they just said it likely was colic and to call if he wasn't better in twenty-four hours, and he's just crying and crying.” He shook his head, and Gojyo glanced over the baby as he touched the nipple to his wrist, then tucked it into Hanabi's mouth, and she immediately began to suckle. The man, deadpan and blank, went on, “I shouldn't even be out with him, he's too young, but I don't know what else to do. I looked over all the medicines and nothing matches his symptoms, and I just can't think anymore.”

“Yeah, I can feel that.” Gojyo leaned over the little baby as he whimpered and strained. He noticed something, and reached behind him for the shelves. “Hang on, I got an idea.” He ripped open a package containing a familiar bulb, wiped it off on a tissue, and leaned over. He was halted when he felt the bottle tug, and saw Hanabi shifting in his arm. That wouldn't do. “Might be easier if we switch.” He indicated Hanabi with a tiny little jostle of her bottom. “You mind? I promise we'll trade right back, you couldn't pay me enough to leave without that girl.”

“She's a girl?” The disheveled man sounded a tiny bit more hopeful as he reached to take the bottle, then carefully shifted his newborn to Gojyo's lap as Gojyo handed Hanabi to him.

“She's more than a girl, she's my whole world.” Gojyo grinned as she settled into the stranger's lap, at home there as much as she was in anyone else's arms. “Sun, moon, and stars.” He'd repeated that to himself a thousand times as he plunged his hands into hot dishwater or a laundry basket, as he caught loads of plates and Hinata's verbal swipes at how little money he'd brought home, as he scoured burnt-on sauce from trays and newspapers for other jobs, better jobs, ways he could bring home more for her, as he strained for energy to cradle and hum to her and smile for her when everything else was so damn hard. He couldn't help but imagine this guy felt the same way about the tiny, squishy-faced baby landing in his lap. “How 'bout this little nugget?”

“Boy. Shinobu.” The man squinted a bit as he got the nipple back into Hanabi's mouth. “Oh, goodness, she's hungry.”

“She's got a healthy appetite, yeah.” Gojyo tilted Shinobu just a little. “Let me just...” He tucked the spout on the bulb into Shinobu's little nose and gave the bulb a squeeze. He yanked it out, and Shinobu immediately launched into a full-throated wail. The man jumped, but Gojyo just grinned. “There go those lungs, huh! How's that for shallow breathing?”

“You fixed him!” The man gasped and clutched Hanabi a little tighter. “What was--”

Gojyo showed off the bulb and the sticky gunk on the end. “Your little guy had a nose goblin the size of my fingernail. Happens sometimes, y'know? I ain't no old pro, but I've pulled snot walls out of that girl you wouldn't believe.” He released the bulb into the tissue, then passed the clean side to the man. “How old is he?”

“Three weeks.” The man hung his head. “I... I didn't even think of that...”

“I'm still learning too.” Gojyo shifted around to sit directly beside the man. “She's about three months now and I don't know shit sometimes.” He chuckled weakly. “I had to call my brother this morning for help giving her a bath.”

“Ah?” The man gave him a curious look. “Then, her mother...”

“Uh, took the day off, y'know?” Gojyo dodged his gaze. “She's been with Hanabi every day since she was born, I guess she needed a little space.”

“You guess,” the man repeated, shaking his head. “I... I wish I could... I have friends who help me with him, but I can't depend on them all the time...” He scrubbed his hand down his face. “I was up until five working on a mid-term paper, and I have to meet with a solicitor in --” He checked his watch – “Two hours, goodness, and when I went to feed Shinobu he wasn't breathing right and I've been in a panic since...”

“Where's his mama?” Gojyo knew he shouldn't ask, but he had to. The man just shook his head.

“She can't... she's even worse off than I am.” He pushed his hair back from his eyes, then blinked with surprise and patted the bridge of his nose. “Oh, I forgot my glasses.”

Gojyo just tilted his head at that, but then again, here he was out in the cold in a tee and the pants he'd worn to work the day before, who was he to judge?  “I dunno, seems like you're, uh, in a tight spot as it is.”

“Yes, perhaps.” He laughed, high-pitched, tight, maybe a little fake, as if he thought that if he laughed enough he might actually feel like laughing. “But... Er...” He glanced at Gojyo cautiously, and Gojyo could see him straining, squinting. “You seem....”

“Oh, me?” Gojyo scoffed, and wondered how much of his own scene this guy had caught over his own panic attack. “Yeah... it's not so easy.” He reached out around Shinobu and teased a stray lock of Hanabi's hair from her forehead. “But it's worth it. It's important. Even if I'm soaring by the seat of my ass, I know what's important. She grounds me.” He smiled, feeling just a little stupid. “This love I got for her, it keeps my feet flat on the ground. It's probably just the same for you, too.”

“Is that how you think? Your sun, moon, and stars, and yet still your gravity?” The man smiled wryly, with a sly lilt in his voice that told Gojyo he meant it, especially when he added, “I'm not a physicist, but I'm not certain that's how relativity works.”

“It's good enough for me. Mind if we switch back?” He moved to offer Shinobu, and the man carefully passed Hanabi and her emptied bottle back to Gojyo.

“Thank you for helping me, and for letting me hold her. She's beautiful.”

“Dunno how you can tell, from all the squintin' I see ya do.” Gojyo grinned at him, big and bright with all his teeth. “But thanks. Good luck with your boy there, and your papers and the lawyers and stuff.” He gathered Hanabi back into her sling and strapped her in securely before getting up, as the man carefully arranged his Shinobu back into his bundle of blankets. He extended a hand to the other man to help him to a stand, and they both turned for the cashier at the same time.

The clerk appraised Gojyo with an obviously wary eye as he rang up all of the boxes of baby formula and the bottles Gojyo had opened, and the man, standing behind him, seemed to apprise the boxes. “Goodness, you're very well equipped.”

“Yeah, I'm never letting us run out of formula again.” Gojyo chuckled sheepishly and looked down at Hanabi, who was nuzzling his chest a little, clearly contented with a dry bottom and a full tummy for however long that might last. “Daddy won't let you go hungry, pretty girl.”

The clerk hit the total button just then. “15,000 yen, sir.” Gojyo pulled a face, then went for his wallet in his back pocket. He opened it up, only to find the cash flap empty.

“Oh fuck, Hinata, you didn't.” He stared fruitlessly at the bottom of his wallet, as if the money he'd known had been in there might reappear, but it was useless. Of _course_ Hinata did, and obviously had. Hinata usually handled the money. Why wouldn't she just take it - every last yen - right out of his wallet?

“Oh, dear,” the man behind him piped up, “You forgot to scan some of my items.” The man put the package for the bulb forward and went for his wallet, motioning between himself and Gojyo with a wag of his finger. “He and I are together.”

Gojyo was floored, slackjawed and painfully aware of it. His whole chest ached, but as he turned to face the man, completely unsure of what to say, the man smiled kindly and honestly. “We're walking the same Earth, after all.”

Gojyo would kiss him if he weren't worried about bumping Hanabi into his chest and hurting her, or about all the other problems that might come with suddenly kissing another man in public. “You'd really do that?”

“Of course.” Then, the man grinned a little brighter, looking just a little dopey, and added, “Though that may be the sleep deprivation talking, so you shouldn't ask any questions that might wake me up.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you know what, that's absolutely fine.” Gojyo couldn't refuse the favor, and managed to look dignified enough as the clerk, shaking his head, bagged their purchases separately. Gojyo waited until the man had put his debit card away and the clerk had given him his bag before reaching for his phone. “Uh, can I get your name and number? I can pay ya back after my next--” Gojyo's phone went off just then, showing Jien's number. “Shit, I gotta take this.” He turned and picked up the line. “Jien, what's going on?”

“ _Where are you?”_ Gojyo could hear a car revving in the background, and cocked his head.

“I told you, I was going to the FamilyMart to get formula!”

“ _You're still there? Fine, stay where you are, I got Kou to dig out Lirin's car seat and I'm coming to pick you up!”_

“Seriously?” Gojyo felt a twinge of suspicion but it was washed back by relief.

“ _Yeah, me an' Kou will help you watch her for today so you can get some actual sleep and some backup. Seriously, bro, you are not alone in this.”_

Gojyo's heart ached. “Thanks, Jien. For real.”

“ _Anything for you. I'll be right there.”_ Jien hung up, and Gojyo turned towards the man, already putting on an embarrassed smile.

“Sorry, that was my brothe--” He halted when he realized the man and Shinobu were gone, like a gust of autumn wind. He faintly remembered the man saying he shouldn't have been out with Shinobu, and that he hadn't slept _and_ had a meeting. He probably couldn't wait around for Gojyo. That, or he just really didn't want to give Gojyo a chance to return the favor.

Maybe he thought Gojyo needed the help, just like Gojyo had thought he'd needed it, or had already called whatever debt there had been off with a bag full of baby formula.

“If I ever see that guy again, I'm gonna kiss him square on the mouth and give him a blank check.” He shuffled outside and leaned against the wall, then wrapped both arms around Hanabi and cradled her bottom in his palms in a weary hug.

“ _My only joy,”_ he repeated, sing-song. His English was about as good as one might expect from a high-school dropout, but he knew those words. He sang to her softly, humming little nonsense words, almost sure he'd lull himself off before he did her. The fact that he'd hardly gotten five hours of sleep wasn't helping, and he was enough of a kid that lullabies still worked, just a little.

He barely heard Jien pulling up, and roused just enough to greet him. Jien got out of the car and wrapped an arm around him, muttering reassurance, “This ain't your fault, it's gonna be okay.”

“I know.” Gojyo felt exhaustion catching up with him, as Jien unstrapped Hanabi and eased her into the car seat with special care, so as not to jostle her in the slightest, and he slumped into the passenger seat with a _whumpf_. “I just... it's so much.”

“I know. But you got her, and you got me. We'll make it.” Jien rested a big hand on Hanabi's head, then kissed her little forehead before getting in himself and slinging his arm over Gojyo's shoulder. “I ain't gonna bug you about getting your stuff in order, but we're gonna have to talk about it.”

“I know,” Gojyo sighed, and closed his eyes. Jien's arm was like the warmth of his futon, easing him down, settling his mind. “I gotta think about stuff. Just not now.”

“That's fine. You got time.” Jien started the car, and Gojyo closed his eyes. His mind drifted aimlessly in the lull of the car, punctuated only by Hanabi's little mumbles and coos from the car seat.

He'd do anything for her, to keep hearing those noises, to keep her smiling and giggling. He loved her, adored her, and that kept his feet on the ground and putting one foot in front of the other. It was just made harder whenever Hinata kicked him in the ass and sent him flying. He wasn't sure he could keep it up for her. Gojyo had a feeling there was no love there, and there probably wouldn't be.

He loved Hanabi more than he loved himself, more than he thought he could ever love anything, and Hanabi still needed her mother, sure. His love for her would keep him with his baby girl, no matter what or who came with it. But Gojyo felt like he needed love, too, someone who actually could care about him like he could care about them, someone who lifted him up at the same time as they gave him gravity.

He thought again about kissing the man he'd met. He wondered if Hinata would even care if he had, because he would have done it.

“You look like you could use someone to ground you, too,” he murmured to himself, and let himself fall asleep on that thought.

**Author's Note:**

> The song our mystery man is singing to Shinobu is "Pierre," written by Maurice Sendak and put to music by Carole King.


End file.
